Now by this point I think that most of you are going to be sick of hearing about the show called the O.C. You probably didn't expect my blog to suddenly become an O.C. fansite and rightly so, I don't usually go in for teen dramas and all but this has me hooked.
The reason the O.C. is dominating the blog is because it's dominating my life. Since getting season one on DVD I've watched about twelve hours of the show all since Monday.
This however is not a in depth look at the show, or an airing of my likes and dislike about it. Rather I'm asking myself, and by extension my readers, what my life would have been like had I watched teen drama like Dawson's Creek while in high school. I even avoided watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer until university and thus delayed developing my boy crush on Joss Whedon.
How would life be different? Would I have known more about girls and their ways if I'd watched Dawson make movies and pine away after Joey? Would I have have been more of a well rounded individual if I had learned along with the gang that you too might have a homosexual friend in your midst? Would I be more distraught about Tom Cruise's new choice of brides?
I have gleaned the following facts from my post-high school study of teen television dramas.
- Even the geeks in school look like models. There are no ugly people and if you seen an ugly person in your school since their existence is not reflected by the reality of television it is okay not to acknowledge their existence.
- You know one gay person, and maybe more if they're allowed screen time to deal with their love life. This homosexual might be the jerky jock's dad, he might be the cute blodne's brother or he might be you. It's hard to tell, but his coming out will cause a sensation. You will know no more than one gay person (saving any boyfriends your gay friend might have) unless you're on Showcase in which case pretty much everyone you meet will be gay.
- Your school sucks. Really I mean television high schools are divided into two types, those on gritty dramas and those on teen dramas. Gritty dramas will have inner city schools with kids shooting each other in kindergarten and crack addicts dying in the potato salad. Teen dramas have schools that are better designed than the Microsoft campus. They'll have restaurants, tennis courts, pools and so forth. They'll have movie courses where you can make movies that would normally cost about $60,000 to make. So why is your school neither of those? Because it's lame.
- No nipple shots. I didn't get to see any nipples in high school and I don't get to see them on teen dramas either. Fuck.
- You can be twenty-seven and still in high school. Just like the remedial class at Rutland Secondary teen drama schools are populated by twenty-somethings.
- Chris and Vanessa were a normal couple. Seriously I knew these two people who we're always breaking up and getting back together all through high school. That's totally normal from what I can from the O.C. Ryan and Marissa break up like once and episode over everything from not being able to say "I love you" to crazy rich hotel heirs.
- You will not have a movie career, even if you show your boobs in The Gift. You might have to marry a midget for anyone to pay attention to you in Hollywood.
- If you ever have to give a speech in front of the whole class it will be like totally meaningful and stuff.
What other lessons am I missing out? Do you really think if I had watched teen television back when I was a teen I wouldn't be the sad sack singleton that I am now? Does masturbation count as hetrosexual sex because I'm thinking about girls or homosexual sex because I'm all alone with myself and I'm a dude?
Answers to these questions are what comments on blogs were made for.
[composed and posted with ecto]
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