Early morning death fears


Fan Death (Caution)
Originally uploaded by kang_a_ji.

I woke up early this morning and thought about dying. It was odd, since I've obviously considered dying before but it never really bothered me until 1:32 am today. It was a typical mid-sleep wakeup where I get up to use the washroom. Climbing into bed I was too awake to go right back to sleep so I watched an episode of The Venture Brothers and then set myself up to sleep.

It was at that point that for no particular reason I thought of dying. For some reason right then and there it scared the pants off of me. Not literally, because I was wearing boxer shorts and not pants, but if I had been wearing pants my God they would have been off at that moment. Anyway death isn't something that I think about much, but for whatever reason right then it just freaked me out to no end.

See I generally dislike finite things. I remember when I discovered that the sun was going to burn out one day in millions of years that I was astonished that nobody was working on a way to either keep it going or find another sun for us to use. The fact that our own lives are far more finite than the sun's never really bothered me.

You know the death and taxes saying. If those are the only things certain in life it just doesn't seem worth it to bother worrying about them. Obviously I'm not sticking forks in electrical sockets so it's not as though I'm out there on the patrol for a violent death, it's just that I don't want to be worrying about it for the next 30 years of my life.

I know people get really upset when they look at their paycheck every two weeks and see the amount taken off for tax. I don't really, because I know that during those two weeks I would have driven on public roads, drank public water and not been murdered because of the publically provided law enforcement. Life's the same way, you can't not have the ending because that's as vital a part as the beginning. So why worry?

Why worry?

I don't know, but for an hour starting at 1:32 am today I did worry. Thankfully eventually I fell asleep and dreamed an action packed dream about a new American Civil War, which was better because in the dream I was bulletproof.