Then Bill Clinton comes to town

Originally written for eVent! [ep] magazine on 10/05/06.

At a loss for what to write about this week I began to do what I always do, surf the internet. Surfing the net is a fine way of finding a story, and often I browse the world wide web for something that will spark the imagination and get my creative juices flowing. I read the front pages of the Kelowna Daily Courier, eVent!, Castanet.net and that other local paper that we'll refer to as the distinguished competition. Then I Google something like "hot girls" and get sidetracked for a while, but eventually I find something to spark my interest and a few key strokes later you're reading this article.

This evening it was the reminder that in November former President William Jefferson Clinton will be appearing at Prospera Place. That's right, the subject of a thousand Jay Leno monologues will be here in Kelowna. I know I used to get faint whenever Jean Chrétien would crash at Senator Ross Fitzpatrick's place, the thought of a world leader being within driving distance was so exciting. This though will be monstrous. For someone who changed majors from OUC's Political Science department this is like the Beatles coming to town.

I mean Bill Clinton. I'm breathing heavily now just thinking about it.

This man used to have the power the launch nuclear missiles anywhere he wanted. With a push of the button he could have solved the question of whether Westbank should incorporate or not. This man has been on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. This man met Bono, more than once. I bought his autobiography and almost finished it. It looks very impressive on my shelf, and the half that I did read has helped me win many a game of Trivia Pursuit. He's coming to Kelowna, and I for one am as excited as.... as excited as... as excited as...

Okay, I'm back. I had to lie down after hyperventilating there. As you can tell I'm fairly, um... excited. The only thing that's keeping me grounded is that I won't be seeing Clinton when he's in town. I mean have you seen the ticket prices? $185 to get close enough to throw my underpants on stage, that's a daunting chunk of change.

Now I known that Bill Clinton is a premier act, yet how expensive can he be? It's not like he's touring with a giant mirror ball lemon and the world's largest television screen. I suspect all he needs is a microphone, a speaker setup and some fake potted plants as a backdrop. I bet he doesn't even have an inflatable pig.

Maybe on the night he's in town I'll hang outside Prospera Place, smoke some marijuana that I won't inhale (sorry I couldn't resist the joke) and see try to find someone to sell me their ticket at half price. If that doesn't work I'll just have to comfort myself by reading the second half of his autobiography, and prepare myself for more games of Trivial Pursuit.

At the very least Bill Clinton's coming to Kelowna is going to give me at least five more columns worth of material. My days of aimlessly surfing the internet to find material are over for now.