When nothing works

Originally written for eVent! [ep] magazine on 10/26/06.

The Klingons have a saying, you know this is going to be a great article when it starts by referencing Star Trek, "Today is a good day to die." You know that's supposed to sum up their warrior culture and their willingness to die in battle. Great, great I understand glorious death in battle, check. Those crazy Klingons, I bet they're a ton of fun at parties.

For me the other day seemed like a good day to die, though not for honour in battle but only because everything I touched that day seemed to just screw up on me. There was a point during the escalating comedy of errors that I refused to look up least an airplane fall out of the sky and land on me.

You want some examples? My alarm did not wake me up in the morning, so when I woke up to see that I was supposed to be at work in one minute I assumed I wouldn't be able to make it. There is no mode of transportation yet invented to allow me to get across town in one-minute, much less shower and shave during the trip. Like in Star Trek transporters would be handy, but they've not been invented yet.

Thankfully I had forgotten about the world falling back onto daylight savings time, and so I had an hour extra and I made it to work on time. I'm not sure if we all set our clocks back an hour just to ensure that I won't be late for work one day a year, but it seems awful convenient that it worked out that day.

The trouble of course is that I now no longer trust the alarm in my phone to wake me up, despite the fact that it's worked fine for months. It went off, it just was not loud enough to wake me from the coma I had fallen into. I'm going to have to start setting two alarms, maybe even three, just to ensure that I rise on time.

Getting to work on time was nice. What wasn't nice was when I discovered that the store had no paper, at all. I went to print something and heard the familiar "out of paper" sound that our printer makes, so I went to get some more from the drawer. None there, so onto the supply closet, none there, so into the product room and again there was none. Now we use a lot of paper, and without it I basically can't do anything. People talk about the paperless office one day becoming a reality, yet every week there seems to be at least one more form I need to fill out on a regular basis.

It was a Sunday, and I work alone on a Sunday. So with nobody else to get paper I had to put a closed sign on the front door and leave to search for some. I managed to find a package at Future Shop, and quickly headed back to the store.

Really no paper? You'd think that would have gotten checked before the weekend, but then I suppose I'd be the one whose supposed to have checked that.

So two of the things I rely on failed me that day, and then I'm could only wait for the other shoe to drop. Thankfully I don't drive to work, otherwise my brakes would have probably failed. I was fearing the best course of action was either to kill myself now in fear of what is coming or get home as soon as I can after work and hide behind my couch in the fetal position. I chose the later, it seemed the easiest and I knew eventually something had to work. So my new saying is, "Today is either a good day to die, or a good day to hide behind a couch weeping like a little girl."

I bet it sounds cooler in Klingon.